now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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