At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
