I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
