I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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