they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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