i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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