I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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