My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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