just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
