I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
