I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
be right there i have to get my cape
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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