So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
