I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
