I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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