His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
