He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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