I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
