You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
