just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
