just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
