i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
