at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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