were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize