Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
