I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
