Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
