Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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