I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
