I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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