it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
