i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
