I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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