perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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