you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
