ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
