I accidentally had phone sex last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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