She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
