I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
