Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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