Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
