We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
