She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
