Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
