just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
