My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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