I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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