my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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