i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
