that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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