Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
