Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
