So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
