I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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