y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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