I think I won the penis lottery.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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