I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
