Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
