Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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