How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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