I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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