No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
