True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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