I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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