Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
