She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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