the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
