our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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