thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
