my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So vagazzling was a success
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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