Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just found puke in my bra..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
