my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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