..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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