There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize